Addition by subtraction

Do you ever wonder if the life you’re living is sustainable? I know I do! Finances aside for the moment, time and energy also are finite resources. Especially as we age.

Having all my time spoken for used to make me feel important. Now it makes me mad. I have got to take it down a few notches. My mental health depends on it. Maybe yours does too.

I described the non-stop hamster wheel to my new therapist: Hours and hours of driving so I can spend time with my Mountain Mensch between random, required office days. Second guessing my boss’s schedule so when she calls on FaceTime video, I won’t be on the way to a doctor or at the gym. To meet my deadlines, I play catchup on nights and weekends. And every time I turn around it’s time to walk the dog.

I told her, I’m miserable. Yet, to other people, I look fine.

She said, FINE is really an acronym for Fucked up, Insecure, Neurotic and Emotional. How have I neever heard that before!

I told her we need a snarky acronym for BUSY. Because aren’t we all way too busy? We keep doing too much. And the math just doesn’t add up.

My friend Carl says, Our only hope is addition by subtraction. We can only make our lives better by paring things away.

Almost a year ago I vowed to slow down. I can’t say I feel much better, but I have taken my own advice. In How to Make Room for What’s Next, I wrote that in addition to knowing our WHY, we need to know our WHY NOT. Why do we NOT slow down? Why do we NOT set better boundaries? Why, if we’re already overworked, do we NOT say NO the side hustle?

I thought the answer was fear. But, actually, I think it’s because we’re on autopilot. We’re moving too quickly to feel what’s out of whack—much less fix it.

Throughout the year, I’ve deliberately cut back my social running around. Stopped monitoring my steps and my sleep. Quit playing pickleball to alleviate foot pain. And I’ve saved all kinds of time by being in love. But still, BUSY has been breaking me.

So next, I’m going to stop working so hard. Because I have no good reason NOT to.

In a handful of months, I’ll leave my full-time job and hoist the Flamingo flag again. I’ll take projects that inspire me and work when I want to. Tool around in the Momma Van with the dog. Write and paint and ski. Visit beaches! I’ll structure my time with the Mensch based on how we feel, instead of what my work schedule allows.

So here’s what BUSY stands for: Bullshit Undermining Sincere Yearning.

Busy keeps us from knowing what we really want. Busy gives us the illusion we’re important. Busy isn’t something to be proud of. It’s an obstacle that prevents self awareness and real connection.

And it’s a trap of our own making.