Never say “never”

We all thought we’d never age. Yet here we are. And If you’re like me, you have a list of other things in your head that you think you’ll never do.

Your dog dies, and you say you’ll never get another one. But you miss the slobber and the drool. So in the middle of the night you’re searching for puppies on the internet.

You say you’ll never retire because you love your work so much. But you find yourself dreaming of unlimited vacation time and a schedule that’s all your own.

You say you’ll never cohabitate again because the freedom of living apart together suits you. But after a few years, the back-and-forth is becoming a chore.

The good news is that you notice these things. Your body feels all wrong and you can’t get out of your funk. Fatigue and frustration set in. Even planning a trip is hard.

If you’re patient and thoughtful—which I can’t say I always am—you don’t over correct without thinking things through. Okay, maybe you get the puppy. But you don’t quit your job or cancel your lease without having a plan.

As we age, we naturally become less brave and more practical. We remember all the things that didn’t go well. And if we’re serious about practicing gratitude, we truly appreciate what we have. It’s easy to stay the course.

But then, how do we know when it’s time to transition? How do we keep things spicy as even our taste buds begin to go numb?

As you likely know, I read and write and think a lot about aging. Two books come to mind today. What’s odd is that both authors also wrote books about dying. Spoiler alert: Those I have not read.

The Grace in Aging: Awaken as You Grow Older, by Kathleen Dowling Singh, (author also of The Grace in Dying) is mainly about how to maintain our natural curiosity as nature runs its course. She wrote: What we need if we intend to spiritually ripen, what will help us become elders, is to question everything.” And, “We haven’t lost our capacity to explore…We just need to dust it off. I’ve just re-read this book because I was feeling anxious about foot pain and hair loss and weight gain and was remembering my mother, who died at 75. By the time Bernadette was 66, the age I am now, she had followed the ghost of her namesake saint to wash her feet in the healing river at Lourdes. She had walked across the Great Wall of China. These are things I’ve not yet done. So, when she no longer traveled solo or made art or went to yoga, it depressed me. Now I wish I’d been more curious about what she was feeling about her world as it seemed (to me) to be shrinking.

The Swedish Art of Aging Exuberantly: Life Wisdom from Someone Who Will (Probably) Die Before You, by Margareta Magnussen (author also of The Gentle Swedish Art of Death Cleaning) adds a dose of humor to the notion of aging gracefully. With chapters titled Eat Chocolate, Wear Stripes, and Don’t Fall Over and Other Practical Tips, this book is part memoir and part prescription for keeping a young and curious mindset. We can all learn something from this old bird. She describes her age as between 80 and 100. And as she looks back on her life, she seems unfazed—delighted even—by all she has lost. She wrote: It’s never too late to do anything, unless it really is too late (and you’re dead). Until then, I still hope to tap dance.

So there you have it. Goals for the home stretch. Because deep down, you already know what you need to do.

Age gracefully.

Age exuberantly.

And never say “never.”